The first thing I've been hearing whenever I step out of the car on school mornings is 93.8 Live. And what's worse, they've been turning up the volume by 50% since last Friday. When my mom dropped me off, she looked suspiciously at the canteen to check if there was anything that could possbible be creating all that noise. I thought there was some fun fair. But for goodness sake, It's 6.45 at the crack of dawn and nobody really wants to get shouted at by some radio news reporter. This is especially bad when I'm trying to rush out my SS homework. Gah.. I'm deaf enough already and I don't think other normal-eared people can stand all that racket either. Sorry but I have to rant about this cus now I'm so haunted by 93.8 Live that I get scared whenever I hear a radio.

Today after lessons ended, I was staying back with Elizabeth to discuss Chinese compre answers. Evangeline was finishing up her math I think. Somehow we started vandalising each other and she ended up moving to the desk in front, also because there's a fan there. Then she wanted to borrow my stapler but I forced her to come back to take it so I could draw on her. After that, I went back to discussing the Chinese thing and suddenly my pencil case was swooped away, by Evangeline. Then she said something like, "hahaha.. I managed to take your pencil case right from your nose." Maybe I heard wrongly but for the first time, Evangeline made a silly English mistake.

There is going to be a Pedra Branca at Evangeline's and my desk. We're going to construct a lighthouse so Mrs S can turn off the back row off lights next time, and we'll switch on our lighthouse to compensate. Jk.. But I really think our next project should be a fan. Our desks are so isolated that we're out of reach of a fan, and electric sockets, so we can't even drag a fan over. Solar energy would be good, maybe we could use the lighthouse to provide light energy for the fan.

8 more days to SYF. I started panicking unofficially on Sunday night after I heard the recording of our practice on Friday. It's really worrying. Strings hasn't recieved a single scolding from any teacher for the past 6 months, and I don't predict one anytime soon. I think Joycelyn is the only one who can convincingly scold a section, but I can't execute that properly. People would just start laughing or I would forget I'm supposed to be angry. Maybe that's my weakness. I don't think I can bring myself to scold the 2 sections under me, especially the violas. I think they work better when I am happy, and what's more, they've improved beyond anyone's expectations, so there's no reason to take such action. But seeing other CCAs passionately fighting for their award through tears, scoldings and a lot more really makes me wonder if strings is doing enough. Is it possible to achieve the best while having a cheery mood? Do all people operate better when they are emotionally/psychologically "tortured"? In general, is no pain, no gain, true?

I am also facing another dilema which will hopefully be solved tomorrow. I don't like the idea of kicking anyone out when they say they want to work harder, but are yet unable to produce the desired result. Because if I do kick people out like that, I might as well drop out too. I practice the parts I can't play perfectly every day, but it doesn't really work well - it's still not perfect. I'm refering to section I of John Rutter. I used to be able to play it relatively perfectly, but after a while, my arms could not coordinate as well again. I don't know why and sometimes I think it's really unfortunate/unfair. It's not that I'm not working on it (I'm using as many methods of practice/techniques as I can remember), but I just cannot play it. It feels demoralising, knowing I once could play it, but now struggle through and dread that part. How can I sit in front and yet struggle through a section. Sometimes I almost give up by thinking of ways to make the mistakes not so obvious instead of trying to perfect it. Like my case, X deproved too. Is my situation the same as X's? Just that hers is maybe a worse form. But the idea is the same. I wouldn't know if she also practices hard at home, but is yet unable to play at the expected standard. Where do I draw the line? I wish I had more wisdom. Is SYF about the award, or is it about the process we all go through together? Is it more about making yourself proud, or making others proud? I admit I did my own fair share of reflecting while "interviewing" X yesterday.

A useful quote from choir: When you feel like giving up, think of why you held on for so long in the first place

Never give up, even when things are looking hopeless